Hell in High Heels

You only see the beauty, never the pain

Puffs of smoke — 2018/01/19

Puffs of smoke

You never know when things will change without hope of coming back to Baseline. 

– A new diagnosis when the thought of one is too much to handle.

– Threat of divorce marriage you swore would last forever.

Life-altering events can rarely be singularly tied to certain behavior. Wouldn’t that be swell a book with codes in it for every situation and reciprocal emotion.

However when things change there are rarely puffs of smoke to signal that the change has occurred.

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Blog post — 2017/11/29
No period — 2017/11/17

No period

Hello puppets. So I just spends the last week of my life in a psych ward. I managed to learn a lot about myself, a lot about other people and how it all comes together. It was not easy to decide to go in. It was not easy to get to where I needed to be in order to go in. I reach the point of desperation. I reach the point of the end of myself. But that is where I found myself.

I’ve made a choice to stop being untrue to myself, and rather live every moment as if it was to be my last. I came scary close to dying and that is simply not where I want my story to end. My life has no period, only commas along the way. 

Even miracles — 2017/10/22

Even miracles

You Never struck me as a person who is afraid of the dark. You never struck me as a person who would run when I had a problem. But then I guess maybe we just don’t know people as well as we think we do. When disaster strikes you have to be ready for anything you have to be ready toDeal with blindness or to learn how to read and write again. 

When disaster strikes anything is possible even miracles.

She (draft) — 2017/10/05

She (draft)

She was the girl with a broken heart.

She felt torn by everything life had done to her.

She had so much general knowledge, she genuinely wanted to believe she “had this”.

She loved with so much of her heart, she was unsure how she had a beat left.

She loved them as they came, douche bags, runaways, these were her people.

She wanted to be accepted. She longed to be given the grace she extended.

Just once she wanted no one to judge her on the way she said a certain word, or how she dressed.

She felt herself start to fade. To become someone she didn’t recognize.

She fought to keep the waves from pulling her under, fought to stay alive.

When she made the call it was simply to save her life. Yet there was no answer at the other end of the phone.

Diagnosing the wind —

Diagnosing the wind

It’s difficult to say what causes people to NEED to hear a diagnosis. It makes me crazy that they want to slap a label on me and shuffle me back on the shelf.

Please realize, You are not a book to be discarded after one perusal. You are a magnificent shiny thing. If you have issues it is most likely due to negative influence in your life.It is CHEMICAL. It’s not your fault. None of us chose this road.

I would almost rather those people to just stay the heck away, because I know I am so much more than a Bipolar I diagnosis. I will become the wind, rain, and flame through all this. Med changes suck because they cause extreme tiredness, irritability, negative self thought, hallucinations, and sooo much more. This will be a good thing for me. I believe this.

Bipolar Disorder

— 2017/09/24
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