So I’ve decided that I need to work harder to forget my past. Let go of what happened: All of it. If that means dunking myself under H2o for an extended period… so be it. But this crap popping up and ruining the best relationships in my life is completely unacceptable.Just because I was severely damaged when I was 17 does not mean that will happen again just because I am working among many people who have the potential to hurt me. Also I have many people in my life who love me with all of their hearts. So i need to just forget what happened. However, that needs to happen, I need to find that button and press it a few thousand times, because everyone needs a refresh button, wouldn’t you agree?
I think that possibly maybe I’m falling again.
But I can’t risk it now. I’m too scared of being hurt and being screwed over by my emotions and men again. Literally and figuratively. The what-ifs have never weighed in as heavy as they do now. But that’s okay. I’ll just go with it, and trust my heart. Cuz it’ll keep beating and I’ll keep feeling the way I do about you now. I’m sorry for letting the crap ruin us, what we could be.