I hate death. Just gunna throw that one out there. The only time death is good is when the person who dies was a terrible horrible person. The other time death is good is when it relieves pain. It was a good thing for death to occur, but death just sucks all the same. It was the end of one of my favorite people. My hero, my poppop was the man who provided me with stability in my life in an extremely unstable portion of time. Some of my favorite memories are as follows:
1. Jump off porch
2. Fish off the back porch and eat fish for dinner
3. Drive in the Chrysler
4. Willow tree
5. Go to the park
7. Coloring at the Kitchen table
9. Hide and seek
12. Kid Songs
13. Strawberry Patch
14. Longacres icecream
15. Cereal for Breakfast
16. Hickory park
17. Sprinkler on hot day
18. Climbing the tree on the side
19. Swinging out back
20. Ride the mower
21. Zoo trips
He’s only wearing black until they invent something darker.
I realized this as I watched you walk down the hall the other day. You either seek to stand out by wearing all black or all white, you really want to be noticed, yet you’ll deny it for all your worth. We aren’t so different and I’ve learned a lot through our friendship. When you say weird things, you’re gauging my reaction to judge my personality versus yours.
Things have been going well. I have been working really hard to keep things in line with my priorities and get to my goals as fast as possible. I want to get where I’m going. I know that there will be challenges, I embrace that fact. I know I have chosen a difficult path. It will be okay in the end. I am doing well for myself. Friday was so ,much fun. I got to hang out with the girls and we laughed and talked about life. J and I went for Coffee and laughed alot. We talked about our research and what we planned to do with our lives beyond school. It was good times.
So I have been thinking lately about the past, stuff that’s happened and the ways that I could’ve done things differently. What I have come to realize is that because the past taps you on the shoulder does not mean that you have to look back and relish it. I have some monsters in my past, just like everyone else. Some scary ugly monsters that I really am scared of if I choose to look them in the eyes, but if I don’t give them credence they aren’t quite as scary. That is what I have learned, if you keep running, your past can’t keep up with you, if you don’t talk about it, you can’t remember the sh*t that happened unless it comes up in nightmares or whatever. Give the nightmares attention, and yougive them power. Look it in the face and you give the stranger a face in the crowd. But if you don’t do those things neither have the chance to affect you.
“so keep your head above water and don’t forget to breathe”