I missed your birthday on the 26th and I’m sure you thought I forgot, but you will never ever be forgotten. One can never forget those who played the pivotal role you did in my life. You were my source of inspiration as a child, and you taught me to trust again as a baby.
My MomMom, you celebrated my wacky genius at young ages, you let me do crazy things, like running for energy. You gave me millions of pages to color on and then hung those pages up with pride. You never told me that my hair looked bad, or that my sense of style was weird, and I have pictures proving both of those to be true.
You showed me how to have peace in the midst of chaos, for that’s what I brought, I’m sure. There were times when you didn’t feel like chasing me around and we still went outside and chased fireflies.
To that there is only one thing to say. You are my hero, and I am eternally grateful.
Happy belated birthday, wherever you are I hope you dance.
Being a champion means more than winning every fight¸ more than mastering every move on the first try. A champion mindset is learned in hours spent doing reps, thirsting and sweating long hours while others won’t get off the couch to coach and be a supporter. This champion mindset sees the impossibilities of success and then gets up and making those happen, small steps at a time. When success comes this mindset enjoys it so much more knowing that it was paid for in full and not given. The broken bones, bruised ribs, pulled muscles, and bloodshot eyes are proof of passion in the fighter life.
“Even the biggest failure beats the hell out of never trying”
They wake up with a passion in their eyes unmatched by the average person who has no reason for living and just goes about a humdrum life. They train insane, preferring that to living the same. They refuse to be mediocre, they want to win big or either fail well and learn how to do it right. They are so passionate that they refuse to miss training no matter how they feel. IF they are discouraged they look to people who did this before for inspiration and how they may have overcome such a time.
“The things you are passionate about are not random they are your calling”
~ Fabienne Fredrickson
In order to train effectively, to be ready to compete at the right time, one must be able to dream out loud. They should share their dreams, concerns and passions with their fellow partners and coaches. They need to not fear judgment, and only work toward self improvement. This artist is always hungry for the input of others into their game. They remain open to instructive criticism from everyone as long as it makes them a better artist and improves their style.
Every time they step out there, they try something new, knowing even if it doesn’t work out, they are steps closer than they were before trying, just for getting their feet wet. They learn where to put their hands. Most importantly, if they get tapped five times in five minutes, they don’t get upset, they smile and ask questions. They understand that it’s a learning process that takes years to master, not minutes on the mat. It takes more patience than receiving a degree in your average schooling program. They become more humble from time on the mat. Most of all They learn to see past their short coming into what can be and they evolve into their future selves.
Where there was not balance there becomes balance, where there is not peace, there becomes a peace. When people ask how this happened, all they say is, “we forget it all when we step on the mat, nothing else matters. It’s us and our partners, nothing else follows us for those few hours.”
Total calm ensues when we fight, it may look like mayhem, but we find peace in the storm.
Does anyone hear me? I just can’t anymore. I don’t know what I’m doing, but it’s not working. I feel like i’m drowning, and it’s stupid cuz I act happy for everyone else. But the saying is true, “those who act happiest usually are the saddest.”
I think I’m ready now.
Do you ever have one of those days when you just can’t find the words? When you feel almost dry inside, and all you want to do is curl up and stop living? I guess that’s where I am.
Then I started thinking about how if you carry small mindsets around, even small tiny negative ones, they will overwhelm your mind becoming huge rivers of negativity threatening to swallow every bit of happiness you ever experienced. It’s a very simple principle, in theory. No matter what you are carrying, if you carry it long enough, it will become so heavy and your mind will become so fatigued that it will it will consume you. Therefore, choose to let happiness and joy overwhelm you. Good thoughts will spill better than negative ones.
The same principle applies to mental and psychological mindsets. If negative mindsets exist, people will become weighed down and change into having almost different personalities. They begin by having upbeat personalities, and after carrying these heavy burdens for any amount of time they end up as shells of themselves, angry and bitter. The psychological degradation is hard to classify because it happens over time, as though you were carrying a bucket of stones for a long time. Trust your struggle and overcome it.
When I try to pretend it doesn’t hurt, the pain comes back like a tidal wave. The emotions become vivid, livid little monsters under my bed that nibble my toes when I sit down to put on my shoes. I could pretend that the pain wasn’t realistic, that my methods were working to get over it, but it seems more like these holiday seasons just serve to remind me that you will never come back. Not that it was your choice to leave, you had to leave, and it was your time. I get it in my head, but goddam my heart wants to kick out the windows and tear up the carpets about it. It seems like the entire family just fell apart since you left, and now I’ve become a recluse as well. It is easier that way. With no one to bring us together, why bother acting happy, or trying to feign a smile when I really want to scream inside. The pills have been beckoning more lately, but I don’t want to follow into those steps.
I know I will be stronger in the end, as with anything, but this really really sucks right now, and I needed you , you were always there, I just wanted to write and tell you that I missed you.