Only Hope

Today I came to see you for the first time in 3-4 months. When I got to your house, I felt as though this was any old thing. The house is the same, apart from the kids destroying it. D was really the first one to take interest in my life, asking good questions and letting me talk about my goals and such. I didn’t feel as defensive when I was talking to him, whereas when we started talking I automatically felt like I had to defend everything I was saying.  I felt the need to justify everything I’ve done. It might be because you are still siding with L on important matters, when you are MY FAMILY. It might be because you have no desire to meet P, or it may be because we fell out of touch when you accused me of stealing from you.  The thing that nags me is you only had me over today because you NEEDED SOMETHING FROM me. That’s not right, it’s called using people. When you only address people when you need them, you USE those people. Emotionally tearing them up, it would be better to just leave them alone.

My only hope is to remember what Jessica Katoff said: “But I promise you these storms are only trying to wash you clean.” and hope that you (M and D) will come around. In time maybe you will accept that I’m moving on, and you will join me in my endeavors.

This is my life and I’m going to live like my story will be told for years to come

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