Created for disorder

I was created for disorder. I think I explained this at one point. Disorder has always played a key role in my life so I have no idea why I was blindsided by this event. This really wacked me out.

When you took me to the hospital it was one thing, I expected it, but when you abandoned me there, it was quite another. I was flabbergasted, but we had made no such “forever and always” promises to each other.  As I sat in the ER I had a great deal of time to think about things, what I would have done differently, the ceiling tiles, and the color of my future house.  I decided that I couldn’t hate you, that I had to set you free, I want to hate you, I want to hate everything and just give up, but there is simply too much to do in life. I can’t give up because one adventure turned sour. I can’t give up because I am not meant for one facet of life’s plan that seems to work for many people because even that is a facade for many. If some people can’t handle marriage, isn’t acknowledging that the most honest thing they can do, rather than keep getting married and wrecking lives in the process?

Maybe we will meet one day in the future and I’ll be a totally different person but by then you’ll probably have a family I don’t really know or care.

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