We were together and at times that’s all that mattered. It didn’t matter that the setting was an ICU bed in a hospital, it didn’t matter that he had to drive over 150 miles to get to me. All that mattered was that we squish the most joy out of every encounter as possible, and so that’s what I tried to do.

I thought I loved him and I thought he loved me. But sometimes life is cruel before it is kind. He said all the right things, such as “You’ll meet my friends and family after we get you well”, and “I want you to be around for a long time.” Those are all great sentiments, but the thing is that you need the sour with the sweet to appreciate the fact that life smokes after it fucks you.

At least I hope one of us got satisfaction out of the ordeal. Being in those situations makes everyone a little jumpy, but it is all in the reaction to the situations AND in how well you adjust to curveballs thrown by life that determines who is the winner in the end.

I wanted it to be you, goddammit I really wanted it to be you.