Hell in High Heels

You only see the beauty, never the pain

Espie draft — 2016/08/31

Espie draft

 What does she look like? How old is she? What’s her family life? Does she have any family? File this character away to use in a possible future story. You never know when you’re going to be unable to come up with a character. Don’t write this character using a form. Describe her and everything about her with paragraphs.


Her name was Espie Gold. She adored her name, Espie coming from the Spanish, Esperanza, meaning hope. Her last name, Gold, often left people thinking she had a Jewish background, though as far as she knew it was an Anglo-Saxon name if there ever was one. She felt that “Golden Hope” was something to be proud of, and strove to emulate it wherever she found herself. Her parents had named her that because they wanted more for her than the doctors proposed was her destiny. In her childhood, they read her fairy tales, with the implication that she should take the sword and fight for her, rather than wait to be saved by a knight in armor. They taught her that she had within her all the power necessary to save her while positively impacting those around her. Throughout her childhood it was confirmed to her that she had the courage to run with the wolves, for they would invariably understand that a lion was running with them. Her parents gave her confidence

When she was conceived it was considered a miracle. Deanna and Justin had waited so long for a child, and promised themselves they were done trying to get pregnant. It was considered to be a lucky shot, as the doctors had no explanation. Her parents raised her in awe of the fact that her life was a gift. This molded her consideration of the sciences, including psychology. Her real interest was in the lab sciences however, feeling that she was a sort of product of their evolutions. Her parent’s doctors had implied that she would be dependant her entire life, and she spent every day seeking to prove them wrong. She was largely successful although she had many considerations brought to the table.

She was a slender, well built version of her younger self. Whereas a kid she had been all arms and legs, she now sought to exude grace in everything she did, Or at least to be able to out bench most of the boys at the gym. With long auburn hair that sparkled in the sun, she was a dashing image of her mother, though she acted the goof like her father. Her father had been her hero most of her childhood, and that notion of hero daddy followed her into adulthood. In her eyes her father could do no wrong, and was an endless source of knowledge to her. He was her own personal Clark Kent, with his career of car sales, but turning into Superman at night when he was with his family. It was impossible not to love him, or so Espie felt. All of her boyfriends were close with her family, much to her chagrin. She felt that there was no privacy from her family. Her boyfriends often went to her father for manly advice. She felt over shadowed by her mother, who was a microbiologist. Deanna was at the forefront of her field and was used to respect from everyone. She was an excellent lab tech, who always found a way to make things work. In her home, she found that respect was not granted as easily by her daughter, in the throes of puberty, or her tired, overworked husband. Deanna sought to love both of them with all her capacity, but sometimes felt she was lacking in that area.

In school Espie was well liked. She had the social graces of a prom queen, yet could interact with authority with ease. Never lacking in the intelligence department, she would set up study nights complete with snacks. She was a leader among her peers. On the soccer field, she was often found doing laps above and beyond what was expected by her fellow soccer players. She was skilled in team building exercises, and often recruited her mom to go on trips with her team mates to build team coordination.

She was a lover. She wore her heart on her sleeve which frequently messed her up. She sought to make everyone feel loved and accepted even if it was not the case for her. She often found herself the butt of the town’s jokes. She would play along and pretend that the words just rolled off.

Still alive but I’m barely breathing.. — 2016/08/17

Still alive but I’m barely breathing..

…Just prayed to a god that I don’t believe in…

Definitely sums up how life has been these past months. It’s always tough. There’s nothing simple anymore. I need a break, I implore anyone available to listen to my heart. To hear beyond my words and hear how incredibly broken my life has become. Given these changes and the tumultuous nature of life and the rapids therein, I question the heavens in asking “what next”. I say this not in  a haughty voice, but rather in a small, docile child like voice.

I need to form connections, I need family in my life. I have no one out here. This is not the life I envisioned when you proposed all that time ago. I had pictured a lifetime of happiness, us together… just bliss


But some things will never change.

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