falling apart, a rough draft

Dave Matthews blares on her speakers, she wonders if she will ever find someone to love her, wholly her completely. That’s what she wanted, to know she was primary in someone’s life, with no exceptions. She lost herself in the music, in Dave talking about losing himself in her chest. The hours drift by and suddenly she realizes something. She can rebuild herself to be whatever she wants. No one knows her in this town, no one would care if she disappeared. She decides right then and there that she is worth more than being someone’s second choice. She is no second line draft. She prays that she will suddenly come down with some Self Respect to disallow her from falling prey to wishful thinking men, who only want a toy. She falls apart, realizing that she is simply who she’s allowed herself to become. The tears stream down her cheeks, sorrowful yet acknowledging the truth. That she is worth more than rubies, that she has within her the power to demand change. She controls her tomorrow. No one else drives her.


This is freedom. Knowing within yourself that you are enough. Knowing that no one has the right to demand you change any aspect of your personality or looks for their pleasure.


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