Hell in High Heels

You only see the beauty, never the pain

Habanero style living — 2016/12/31

Habanero style living

The key to getting good at anything is truly repetition. Giving yourself time to fail is pivotal in the learning experience. Granted it’s much easier to fail from the comfort of a two story farm house that is fully heated than from the bed of a Ford Escapade. One thing that helps me in times of failure is the knowledge that no matter what happens, music will be there to see me through my ordeal. If it’s simply too cold to move or think straight, turn on your head phones and be assured that Carrie Underwood understands. Granted when you are literally being kicked into the cold by the one person you thought was plugging for you, then things get a little dicey. But Dicey makes the flavor, right? You can’t have really hot Habaneros that are in their whole form, you gotta dice those suckers up into a beautiful array of super hotness. There will always be someone madder than you, someone in a worse position. Acknowledge that as you embrace the suck of your situation. Know yourself and how much you simply have all the necessary tools to get through this, and you’ll be just fine.

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PSA — 2016/12/26

PSA

PSA:

When a woman had a bad run of luck and finds herself in a relationship, yet things are hard so this woman is venting to you, this is not the appropriate time to suggest she leave her current relationship to be with you. It is not appropriate to suggest that youd do better for her than her current suitor. It is never appropriate to ask her who she wants more.  If she had a chance to be with you and you fucked her over, then she’s not going to come back. Not if she has any self respect. And I promise you, two things she has in spades are self respect and pride. The dog may go back to its own vomit, but not this woman, this strong individual will fight to her last breath and make her mark on every situation.

 

I do understand this might be adequately titled ” Losing my shit, over shitheads”

Secrets — 2016/12/18

Secrets

Gather round ye young and old listeners. I want to enthrall you with a tale from my past. As a young child, I thought I knew exactly where my life would end up. I had a plan and I was not to be deterred from following said plan. I knew what age I wanted to be successful by, and I knew what my image of success was. To be sure, this was far off from the mark. In my childhood I was often sick, I was a frail young lass, which led me to not have many of the accepted opportunities as a child. If you understood the way that my life was as a child, you may have been more likely to be empathetic to my current pillaging.

I lied when I told you I don’t have secrets. Mine are the secrets that would make you cry your eyes out. Mine are the secrets that senators strive to keep. But as we all know, a secret can be kept between three people if TWO of them are dead. To me, this proves that no one can be trusted. Sometimes you can’t even trust your own fucking brain, to be honest with you.

The secret to keeping these big old secrets is trusting your head. You know that the secrets exist, so it’s a matter of being friendly to them. If you trust your gut, go with it and relish your solidarity. That is actually my biggest secret; I struggle with self-doubt to a crippling degree. I constantly don’t know where to go from this point, or how to treat people I love and trust dearly. I want to believe that everyone is capable of having my passion, my heart, in their lives. But lately, I have seen that even if they are capable, they will squander the opportunity on brainless occasions. When I get too close to someone, I will intentionally fuck it up by being a bitch, or by pursuing someone else. All because I lack the self-confidence to pursue what is good for me.

The secret I keep is that I’m a self-destructive person who masquerades as someone solely devoted to seeing my personal success. I will enable myself to succeed, but once I can possibly taste success I pull back like a person with anorexia would pull away from a cake. I cheer other people on, to get them closer to their success, but when mine is close, I shy away from it EVERY TIME.

But looking at me you would never know that to be the fact. I’m an energized, outgoing person, who seems to have it all together.

 

— 2016/12/14

It your birthday. you wake up in the morning and start celebrating with pancakes and presents. You spend some time kidding around with your “best friend” who had a thing for you but says it is OK that you have a boyfriend. Then your boyfriend comes over to hang out and you all just click. Jokes at your expense are thrown around with the caveat that it’s your birthday. You endure the teasing, so happy that you have a team. later that night Boyfriend gives you a gift, a dagger to wear on your leg. You run around with that on your leg for a long time, but when you walk back into your house, the owner flips out on you. he says you’ve changed and he can’t be apart of it. You lose your home, and a major part of your team is gone in an instant. You know that you CAN endure this trial, but you wonder if you SHOULD. There’s the huge difference, between can and should, it’s astranomical the difference between these terms. 

You can better yourself and you should better yourself. Always seek to make yesterday jealous as fuck of your present self. Bigger and better. Build a new team and fortify that team such that nothing comes between you.

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