Gather round ye young and old listeners. I want to enthrall you with a tale from my past. As a young child, I thought I knew exactly where my life would end up. I had a plan and I was not to be deterred from following said plan. I knew what age I wanted to be successful by, and I knew what my image of success was. To be sure, this was far off from the mark. In my childhood I was often sick, I was a frail young lass, which led me to not have many of the accepted opportunities as a child. If you understood the way that my life was as a child, you may have been more likely to be empathetic to my current pillaging.

I lied when I told you I don’t have secrets. Mine are the secrets that would make you cry your eyes out. Mine are the secrets that senators strive to keep. But as we all know, a secret can be kept between three people if TWO of them are dead. To me, this proves that no one can be trusted. Sometimes you can’t even trust your own fucking brain, to be honest with you.

The secret to keeping these big old secrets is trusting your head. You know that the secrets exist, so it’s a matter of being friendly to them. If you trust your gut, go with it and relish your solidarity. That is actually my biggest secret; I struggle with self-doubt to a crippling degree. I constantly don’t know where to go from this point, or how to treat people I love and trust dearly. I want to believe that everyone is capable of having my passion, my heart, in their lives. But lately, I have seen that even if they are capable, they will squander the opportunity on brainless occasions. When I get too close to someone, I will intentionally fuck it up by being a bitch, or by pursuing someone else. All because I lack the self-confidence to pursue what is good for me.

The secret I keep is that I’m a self-destructive person who masquerades as someone solely devoted to seeing my personal success. I will enable myself to succeed, but once I can possibly taste success I pull back like a person with anorexia would pull away from a cake. I cheer other people on, to get them closer to their success, but when mine is close, I shy away from it EVERY TIME.

But looking at me you would never know that to be the fact. I’m an energized, outgoing person, who seems to have it all together.

 

Advertisements