Hell in High Heels

You only see the beauty, never the pain

Hold me back — 2017/01/30

Hold me back

Lets hear it for those writers who are terrified to pick up a pen. They know their personal power and are afraid that no one else can handle the issues that come up in their minds. They have people encouraging them, it’s not that they lack encouragement. It’s rather that they have learned to heed the fear and make it work. If they sit down at the computer and the words don’t flow, these writers don’t push it. They save the document for another day. A day when the words will flow because there is emotion behind them, compared to the empty void that is experienced some nights. Sometimes they will just stare at the blank page and write “I don’t know what to say.” And let that be the entry for the day.

The writers who forage on in incredible circumstances; battling personal hells, drought of words, and crippling insecurities are the ones deserving of applause. Those writers who face the odds conquer them and wake up the next  morning to start the whole thing over again are the real heroes. They look fear in the face and say “let me at em”. They know the issues that are burning in their hearts and find themselves eager to wage war on the silent demons in the air.

 

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— 2017/01/11

I went to pick up my phone to call you today right after I got back from my first call. Just to check in and tell you all the fun details. But you aren’t there, or rather, you are there yet want nothing to do with me. I can understand needing to distance yourself to stay safe, but at one point you called me your daughter. How can you separate yourself from me? It’s not fair nor does it make any sense, and I am rather educated so stupid stuff usually makes sense to me. 

I used to have an ally but now when they want emergency contact info, I hesitate before putting someone else down because you don’t care if I’m hurt or alive. 

— 2017/01/08

This is not new bullshit. Just tuck your chin, take the hit, and stand up and hit back. Hit then harder, faster, and stronger than they hit you. Just breathe, leave, collect yourself and come back to… not talk about it. 

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