What do you want? Sit down and write it out on a piece of paper or type it out in a blog. By doing this, you give yourself a goal to work toward and thereby a measure of peace in your life.
Given the realism in our lives on a daily basis, you have to decide what is worth fighting for. If that is fighting to get to lunch hour the next day, or marrying the person you’ve had a romance with for a few weeks. Make a plan and stick to it.
I want to be in this relationship long term. I see this man being someone I could build with. I see him being someone who will push my boundaries and accept my short comings. We have been through so much in such a short time already. I want this to work. I’m definitely feeling like I’m running out of time romantically. I hate thinking of how I had such a great potential of a relationship and squandered it for what. I need to settle in to my rhythm and trust my soul to react to cues given by the Universe and trust that I’ve learned from my past. I will not find myself in the negative situation I was in. I will not surrender to the voices around me that say there is nothing left for me out here. I am better than that. I want to believe I am worth fighting for. I want someone who is willing to deal with my bad days and relish in the good ones. I need to remember how fulfilling release feels. I need to trust my partner to have my back during the release to let me fall if I need to, but to rise and glide as I want to as well.
So these past days have been a whirlwind. I never thought I’d be put in this position. I never thought I’d be a part of the statistic that I am now a part of. In fact I never saw this happening to me at all, due to my proclivities. I should have known that my luck would run out sooner or later. Given all the statistical data I could recite about this situation. I should have known better.
Life is a situation in which learning is not optional but rather mandatory. It is no situation in which one can not sit idly by and watch stuff unfold.
I’m afraid to fall asleep. I’m afraid to miss something. The n I realize you’re not here with me, you no longer want to hear my stories. There is no part of Me to interest or excite you anymore.
And it breaks my soul.
You can survive a broken heart. Time heals all wounds. But a broken soul? That stuff is serious.
Listening to Dexter Freebish while cleaning a desk is my idea of idyllic Monday afternoon stuff. The way your personal issues can be disregarded as you furiously dust off a desk that probably hasn’t seen love for months, and has had two cats walking on it all the time is one of the highest highs out there. Also getting news that some would consider devastating and working through it like the champ you are proves something.
It proves that shit won’t keep you down and you will rise above it all to come out a bigger more beautiful butterfly. It proves that nothing can clip your wings, and if you damage a wing, you’ll dance your way to glory. It shows the world that despite setbacks you will rise and be awesome.