Hell in High Heels

You only see the beauty, never the pain

Even miracles — 2017/10/22

Even miracles

You Never struck me as a person who is afraid of the dark. You never struck me as a person who would run when I had a problem. But then I guess maybe we just don’t know people as well as we think we do. When disaster strikes you have to be ready for anything you have to be ready toDeal with blindness or to learn how to read and write again. When disaster strikes anything is possible even miracles.

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She (draft) — 2017/10/05

She (draft)

She was the girl with a broken heart.

She felt torn by everything life had done to her.

She had so much general knowledge, she genuinely wanted to believe she “had this”.

She loved with so much of her heart, she was unsure how she had a beat left.

She loved them as they came, douche bags, runaways, these were her people.

She wanted to be accepted. She longed to be given the grace she extended.

Just once she wanted no one to judge her on the way she said a certain word, or how she dressed.

She felt herself start to fade. To become someone she didn’t recognize.

She fought to keep the waves from pulling her under, fought to stay alive.

When she made the call it was simply to save her life. Yet there was no answer at the other end of the phone.

Diagnosing the wind —

Diagnosing the wind

It’s difficult to say what causes people to NEED to hear a diagnosis. It makes me crazy that they want to slap a label on me and shuffle me back on the shelf.

Please realize, You are not a book to be discarded after one perusal. You are a magnificent shiny thing. If you have issues it is most likely due to negative influence in your life.It is CHEMICAL. It’s not your fault. None of us chose this road.

I would almost rather those people to just stay the heck away, because I know I am so much more than a Bipolar I diagnosis. I will become the wind, rain, and flame through all this. Med changes suck because they cause extreme tiredness, irritability, negative self thought, hallucinations, and sooo much more. This will be a good thing for me. I believe this.

Bipolar Disorder

— 2017/09/24
Always. — 2017/09/22

Always.

Things change in the blink of an eye. Things are good then that fast it’s storming and hailing like all hell. What you have to realize is you have no control over the weather, you can only control your reaction to the weather.

If someone pitches a hissy fit, it’s not necessarily in your purview to sort out what their issue is, you just need to keep your reaction to their crap in line. Be the bigger person.

If someone brings up your disorder to use it against you, that their short coming, NOT yours. Give yourself grace, and walk away for a minute. Love yourself through your insanity and they will come around. Maybe in a while they will be able to hear how mean it was to say that.

Like when your father or mother does something wrong by you as a child, you have to move on and do better than they did to you. For me this goes deep. It will be handled in another post possibly.

The biggest point is that you can’t control the rain, other people’s actions, or how a fire will burn. You can predict certain things, but to a certain point your reaction need to be calm, cool, and collected, ESPECIALLY if the other is off the wall. Give them time to figure themselves out, remove yourself from the situation, and be a better man than your father. Always.

 

 

Her. — 2017/09/12

Her.

Her nail is polish is chipped. A sign to the inner turmoil she’s experienced.

Her music is loud. If it’s loud enough to bother someone else, may it be loud enough to make her feel.

Her clothes are grunge nation. She hopes that someone brings up the skulls and cross bones. Something to acknowledge that she is seen.

Her writing is a sloppy mess. Her thoughts come fragmented and incoherence reigns.

Her hair is hidden under a bandana, a signal that she can’t deal with this stuff more than anything.

Her…

— 2017/08/30

I wish I could say I want you back. I wish I could say that I was sorry for things I done. I wish I could say one last time to hear you say that you love me. That’s what I miss the most I think is your voice telling me things I know but need reassured of. I miss our communication how we used to just talk about nothing and everything, we had plans. But as per usual they were smashed into dust when we had a fight. We  will both grow from this, into bigger and better people. But together we could have done so much more and that is what makes me sad.

I’m a strong believer that whoever is meant to be in your life will gravitate back towards you regardless how far they wander.

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