No one can make you cry. No one can truly make you smile either. Your happiness or sadness depends entirely on you as a person. You choose every day whether it will be a good day or a bad day. You solely choose who to let enter your life, and you determine who gets to stay year after year. If the people in your life make you sad or upset on a regular basis, make better choices.
The key to getting good at anything is truly repetition. Giving yourself time to fail is pivotal in the learning experience. Granted it’s much easier to fail from the comfort of a two story farm house that is fully heated than from the bed of a Ford Escapade. One thing that helps me in times of failure is the knowledge that no matter what happens, music will be there to see me through my ordeal. If it’s simply too cold to move or think straight, turn on your head phones and be assured that Carrie Underwood understands. Granted when you are literally being kicked into the cold by the one person you thought was plugging for you, then things get a little dicey. But Dicey makes the flavor, right? You can’t have really hot Habaneros that are in their whole form, you gotta dice those suckers up into a beautiful array of super hotness. There will always be someone madder than you, someone in a worse position. Acknowledge that as you embrace the suck of your situation. Know yourself and how much you simply have all the necessary tools to get through this, and you’ll be just fine.
You want to put your hands in your pockets and pretend like they aren’t shaking. You want to be everything for everyone, as it always has been. But then on a whim, you run off with a guy, he sees through your bullshit walls and calls you out on your shit. You begin to think that this could be your new forever, and you forget some of the shit that’s happened to you. You feel like this could be a new start for you. But then the person begins to say things like “I think you need medication” “I think you are mentally ill”, and you see that maybe this person isn’t as golden as you believed. You are a strong person, but in two weeks this person has made you into someone who struggles to breathe on their own. They want you to be dependent on them, while professing how happy they are with your relationship as it is. When they begin to knock you around, calling it a “passionate display of affection” warning bells go off in your head. But you mute them, because you can’t trust your own brain, right? You lean into the abuse, feeling like this is the best it gets, and you wait for the pain to pass. You know it will, it’s just about outlasting the pain. Given the choice between this type of life and the one you had, lately you’ve been thinking about how much better your life was, but given your present circumstance, anything is better.
So put your hands in your pockets, if you need to collect yourself. Know that your storm will pass, and you will always have people behind you. People who cherish you, who want to hear that you got home safe. But also know that you can let your hands shake. It’s okay to be bare in front of other people. Given the choice between a mask and the barren truth, let your hands shake. The mask is just a false reality. It’s your way of defending against the abuse you’ve endured. Give yourself grace to endure through it and be real with people.
I want someone to be really romantically creepy with me. Like stalk me outside my bedroom window creepy. I want them to pursue me beyond a shadow of a doubt. To the point where observers say “they are infatuated with her”. My dream is like the movie, where someone stands outside my window with a boombox and note cards because they know that winning my heart is no easy task. It will take emotional fortitude and willingness to get shot down, at least a few times. In my pursuit of a new happiness, I will play hard to get as often as I need to, in order to get the point across that I’m not game with being played.
That’s not too much to ask, right? Having goals and dreams keeps life real, right? Setting the standards high will dissuade others from playing around with your heart.
My goals have changed once again, but that’s okay. Change is the ONLY constant in life. Those who promise to stay with you through hard times, will invariably leave. It’s the nature of the beast, everyone leaves. You have to learn to adjust to the tune that’s being played by life so you can stay in the driver’s seat and maintain control.
It’s truly up to you.
So in order to find this magical person, I’m going to change myself into what I would want to see, pursuing me. I will change myself so much that you won’t recognize me walking down the street. Change myself so much that when you come back, you don’t recognize the person I transformed into. A caterpillar has to turn to mush before transforming into a butterfly. So I’ll just break myself down and build myself back up.
Fact is, you will have bad training sessions, you will encounter nights when you don’t want to walk out of your house. The winner spirit quietly goes through the routine and gains experience. Even if it’s bad practice, it’s still practice and overcomes a night where you sat on your bum at home eating cocoa puffs and THINKING about the reps you could be doing at the gym. You’re growing bigger and better every time you practice the art that you know. If you are a painter even if you paint brown and black stripes you learn something about technique when you pick up your brush.
Moral of the story: throw your kicks, even if they aren’t perfect they are YOUR kicks. Paint your portraits, make it your own. “It ain’t about how hard you can hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!”
As Billie Jean King said, “a champion is afraid of losing, everyone else is afraid of winning.” In a winner’s heart, they aren’t satisfied with being second best; they want to be first place. No one wants to be ordinary; it is our nature to strive to be awesome.
People fight for every reason out there. Some fight because of bad reasons while others fight for good ones. They fight to regain control that was taken from them as kids, or they fight to prove themselves to others. Some people fight to hurt others and thereby take out their frustrations, while in grappling you can do the same things in searching for submissions and not beating the guy bloody. The reasons people fight vary as much as the weather and are defined by the person and life experiences of the person. MMA or any fighting arena is a great outlet for people who came from bad pasts or just has some things to get off their chests.
In any new sport there is a learning curve, wherein one learns concepts really fast and easy for a bit, and then the lessons get extremely hard. For some this leads to training fatigue, causing the m to stop training or learning altogether. One way to avoid training fatigue is be put through tests to challenge your knowledge, or you might be personally mentored to ensure your knowledge of the skillsets. Therefore as Julia Child said, you should find something you are passionate about and keep tremendously interested in it. This will enable the fighter to push through pain and fatigue and get to their goals.
“When you want to give up, just think of all the individuals who would love to see you fail. Don’t give them the pleasure.” In certain disciplines this is doubly essential, if working in a lab setting and are unfamiliar with how a pipette works, this could hamper one’s ability to perform basic techniques. Therefore a person will often shadow another until they feel confident in their own right, then they will be let loose after their ability has been double checked.
It is the same with MMA, if a person is not safe on their feet they can get hurt, or hurt others, and they need to grasp the basic skills before being thrust into the more complex intricacies of the sport. The artist should be completely comfortable in their own skin on the mat before they try to tackle new moves with other people. Drilling the moves and watching the example of people who know the drills helps tremendously. It allows the learner to gauge whether or not they are retaining the correct knowledge in doing the moves and avoid injury.